Pride

Rain rain go away
Come again another day
Or don't, whatever

Oh Providence! How your weather perplexes me!
Everyone was looking forward to the forecasted weather for today. The high was supposed to be 60, the warmest it's been probably since early November. Of course, being Providence, the sky decided it would rain today, as if on a whim. At least it's still not very cold. Who knows!?! Maybe it actually IS in the high 50's. It's not like we can really enjoy it. I don't mind the rain, I really don't, but I sure would enjoy the sun peeking it's head out of the clouds for a while. Perhaps long enough for me to be able to wear my new sun dress? No? Ah well, such as life. The time will come soon enough. Soon enough for what!?! HA! Heck if I know.

I've been reading C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity." It's good, very informative and helpful as a sort of guidebook for leading a Christian life and interpreting what the Bible says about how we are to live and act daily, both in our own personal life dealings and in how we view and interact with others. In the chapter I started reading last night, Lewis talks about the worst trait for a Christian to have in their heart. Pride. One of the 7 deadly sins according to the Catholic church, but apparently deadlier than the rest according to many others. Our culture today perhaps doesn't condemn this characteristic nearly as much as it should, in fact, there are many instances that I can think of when we feel that either ourselves or others should be rightfully prideful. Should an athlete not be filled with pride when he is presented with a Gold medal at the Olympics? Should a young child not have pride about accomplishing a big goal? One teacher has told me on numerous occasions that I have done well on one thing or another and should be very proud of myself. Should I? Really? Maybe pride is not the right word. Pleased, perhaps, would be better suited to this situation. Not with myself thinking how wonderful I may or may not be, but with doing something well that makes others happy. I can be pleased that my teacher liked my work, certainly. But when does that cross the line into pridefulness? It's hard to tell sometimes, especially in trying to see that in myself. Sometimes it is so much easier to see faults in others than it is to see faults within your own actions. I try to think back to recent conversations I had with people and I can't help but wonder if I was speaking out of pride for things that I have done, or pleasure from what good things God has worked through me. I certainly hope it was not the former. I certainly didn't mean to sound as if I was boasting about such events, but I am afraid that that's how others could have potentially seen it. Maybe I shouldn't be worried, I know my friends would not think badly of me, but still, I must remember to take a step back sometimes and try to see how I am really acting towards others, or what words I am using to try to communicate clearly to my peers. I realize how important it is to be introspective before I can truly hope to improve my character. Thanks to some really great friends, people I greatly admire and can only hope to emulate, I think that I have made some great strides this year in improving how I interact with and talk to people, in being more of a humble servant to God and to others, and in opening up my heart to try to love more and see goodness in everyone, even those whom I often struggle to get along with. I feel that I still have a ways to go, and there are certainly times when I slip up, but I also must realize that I will never be perfect and that this will be a struggle for me for the rest of my life, but I must keep pressing on towards the goal.

Humbly Yours, I love you all,

~Rachael